I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
Well, he sent me "techno kitty adventure" about 10 minutes ago. So, he could be anywhere.
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
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