awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
remind me not buy ky at kmart ever again. Had to get a manager to open the locked case. then he stood there and watched me look through the selection
I hate that ur telling me this.
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
Randomize
