so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
My history teacher just took his shirt off cuz the classroom was to hot. And then he invited us all to join him.
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
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Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
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