Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
I just googled how to quit your job and cause a big uproar at the same time....i tell you how tomorrow goes, i'm so excited....
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
Uhm after 8 I don't recall anything. All I know is there's a picture of me playing pong with my grandmother.
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
I think i got my first booty call. it was like she came to my house. sex. leave.
Congratulations. Welcome to the wonderful world of quick dirty secret sexy time.
thanks... i think. haha
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
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