I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
Randomize
