Down for casual relationships, more fun than catholic missionary, bring condoms and don't get attached.
oh no, I think we did it in the 'front asshole'
good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
So how does it feel getting boo'd by the entire 5 guys restaurant
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
Randomize
