I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
I posted her number in the m4m casual encounters area of Craigslist.
I guess her always saying "gay men love me!" will finally get put to the test.
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
Randomize
