i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
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