I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
this hospital has no fireball
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
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