I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
Randomize
