life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
We are cuddling. She is so cute when she is too high to be a loud bitch.
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
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