apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
I just came so hard I growled. Definitely found my gspot.
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
where are you?
two trains and a bus walk of shame. so not worth it.
Randomize
