and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
after last halloween when i met that 26yr old guy from russia who was hot until we madeout and he became obsessed with touching my forehead after the ecstasy he did and then tried to sell me pills from an m&m mini container, i think im staying away from parties downtown
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
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