i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
slut bingo starts in ten minutes ...
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
Randomize
