she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
CONFIRMATION: i wiki searched it and Justin Bieber is 15 not 13. so i dont feel like as much of a pedofile now....
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
Randomize
