We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
Randomize
