you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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