uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
In a few years, 50 babies 50 states. Like it?
it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
Randomize
