Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
Swine flu is the new snow day.
she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
omg so there's this guy on the roof and he just stripped for no reason and now i think he's making out on the rooftop with some other guy? who are these people
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
Randomize
