I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
Randomize
