i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
Randomize
