We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
I think I can smell my own vagina right now
Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
Ummm Im the uneducated alcoholic of the group... if I say its a bad idea, its probably a bad idea.
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
Randomize
