Does it still count as a "walk of shame" if it's only 1am?
You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
sarcasm needs its own font
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
Randomize
