I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
I just watch that 70s show all day and blaze whenever they do. It's nice being part of the circle
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
Randomize
