My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
Skipping class. Wanna Drink now?
yea. just give me 15 min to write a paper.
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
Randomize
