he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
Randomize
