Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
I know its been a few months but you must know you hve the 2nd biggest dick I've ever seen. 1st place went to a rapper so don't feel bad.
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
Check out this gay circle: I've now hooked up with my ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend, and most recently my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend's ex-fling.
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
Randomize
