she is unbelievable! ever pee on a girl?
not while she was awake
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
I just found pizaa roll in my hair. Already been to class today
I'm eating the rest of the Xmas shrooms and welcoming 2012 by communing with the pine cone.
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
Randomize
