I woke up this morning with "guy in polar bear j.crew boxers" written on my stomach along with a 5 digit phone number...
So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
you would pick up someone in the library
I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
no more duck duck goose at the bar
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
Also yeah I would definitely have to say that one of my favorite things to do is to get high and pet cats.
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
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