My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
Randomize
