Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
get over here now. the boys are doing shots of everclear, chasing with monster, and some dude jsut walked in with a backpack full of tattoo gear.
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
He was my first. He knew. He knew right there I was wrapped around his penis.
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
Randomize
