I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
Randomize
