you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
No.. It's totally over.. He deleted the poke I sent him.. That makes it official.
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
Maybe just the first 2 wks of Nov can be dick detox.
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
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