Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
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