i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
i am YELPING strip clubs. This is interesting.
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
She insisted we fuck to Ludacris, not how I imagined popping her lesbian cherry would be. I tried delt and I liked it.
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
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