how do you clear previous safari searches on an iPhone? i asked my brother to google something for me and "big penis" "empire chinese food" and "reverse cowgirl" popped up.
Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
It's all a blur. I just remember holding some strangers baby
Yah. Thai people are way too trusting
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
God I need to hump something, right now.
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
Randomize
