I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
Randomize
