We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
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