Who is this?
Who do you want it to be?
Sarah Palin
I've got the updo, bangs, and glasses, but I'm blonde
dude im shwasted, kabul is not the best place for this
i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
Everything is fine now . The coast guard said we just can't take the inflatable trampling out past the break way anymore
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
Randomize
