I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
But break dance skills will only take you so far
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
Randomize
