as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
Randomize
