paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
He's a doctor now.. hope he can cure his small dick
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
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