I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
You know it's time to leave Spain when you are back and forth between Skype and a Spanish dictionary trying to figure out out to say "I can still smell you on my skin."
guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once
Good point.
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
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