peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
she just made some guy spank her... then made some chick take a running start and spank her.
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
Randomize
