I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
heading to class now, facing the weekend consquences
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
Randomize
