4 words: hood of his car
I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
i sent him a nude and he responded 6 hours later
what did he say?
"oh m god,,, whow '!!!!nm"
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
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