Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
don't worry, your friend will b fine, they treat virgins nicely around here
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
I also witnessed that same parrot perched on the head of a man grinding with a girl.
Interesting. As a girl I don't know how okay I would be with that.
She seemed pretty into it.
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
I think we might need a safe word for this...
Randomize
