Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
So I am just swinging blind here, but I am guessing that blood in your sinus is not ideal
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
I remember grabbing your ass. So firm. So right. I don't regret it.
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
We will discuss everything tomorrow i presume. Including the sweaty naked tango.
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
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