Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
Guy, there will be accountabilities this weekend that you will need to respond to, or else.
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
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