if i can run in heels then i can drive
Was it cool?
About as cool as only getting a handjob on your honeymoon.
it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
Bob the builder, bob the uilder bob the builder bbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbjbbbbbiotch!pp!!!!
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
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