Please don't use social media to get back at me.
Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
It was like Strip poker and blow, but with Yu-Gi-Oh cards
Randomize
