I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
All three roommates are gay and in women's studies. Ive already been informed that all penetration is rape. This is not the college experience I signed up for.
I remeber being on the roof last night and we put our heads togeather and we touched each others face and said "Hennessyyyy"
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
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