meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
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