he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
Semi hypothetical question. Do you think its physically possible to bruise your clit?
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
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