Dude that chick in the corner just threw up
Hot
it's too hot outside to masturbate.
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She should get an extra 30 days for that Georgia Rule movie......terrible.
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
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