I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
Randomize
