Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
Go christen that room with your naked body.
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
Randomize
