DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
There are twenty eight units in that building. There has to be at least one heterosexual in it. You can't have fucked your way through all of it.
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
Randomize
