is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
He's easy on the eyes, light on his feet, and rough in bed...what more could a girl ask for in a rebound?
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
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