I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
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