I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
My vagina is officially offended.
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
Randomize
