i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
Wow. The LSU Tennessee game is on here and the LSU cheerleaders are stupid hot. Its weird having a hard on. At a bar. On a Wednesday. By yourself.
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
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