I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
Randomize
