are you still at the devil's house?
Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
They wouldn't let me hang out the sun roof and sing apple bottom jeans in the drive thru of hardee's i think i no longer like these ppl
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
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