dude im shwasted, kabul is not the best place for this
Buhtt sex?
Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
She was adopted and used to dance at Sapphire. just my speed.
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
Randomize
