Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She was giving me head while we were in my tree house, my mom then came out to let the dog out so she stopped so I would stop groaning, was it good? You tell me
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
Randomize