I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
Gay?
German.
Pity.
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
Randomize
