My liver just broke up with me...
I bet Jafar would keep his hat on during
Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
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