i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
I'm just hitting the tip of the iceberg on accents for this trip...so basically my panties are done for.
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
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