I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
I actually want to hang out with her with our clothes on. That's a big step up for me.
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
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