oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
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we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
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I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
Also—I just realized that your wedding gift is still on my dining room table. So...as awful as I am for not yet sending it (and I still need your address), at least I didn’t bring my screaming children to potentially the most important day of your life?
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