I think scott just propositioned me for sex
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
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