"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
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