last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
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