Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
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