Totally smoking with fifteen year olds.
im so drunk with asians
where?
always
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
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