I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
Just sold all of my pants in order to buy tonight's whiskey. Goodbye, high functioning alcoholism. Hello, Dad.
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
I just need three more girls to complete my 'Freak-a-leak' bang list. Know any girls named Zahra, Shavon, or Daronda?
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
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