I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
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