Is it wrong to scream your own name when about to bust?
Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
Just took my morning after pill in the library
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
Randomize
