So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
Yeah that stuff was rough. We insisted on wearing our bikinis all down college ave, and at several parties that were not beach themed
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