I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
You showed your tits for hundreds of beads but magically became shy when there was food on the line
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
Randomize
