I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
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