the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
Wedsnesdays are always enlightening. Tonights revealation: One should not smoke from something taller than their person.
just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
we just drove by a car that was painted for a grad, it said "you done it!" with a confederate flag bumper sticker next to it. i love kentucky
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
Randomize
