So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
did it hurt when the cum got in your eye
not so much hurt, more like a stinging sinsation like mouthwash
she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
Randomize
